Guy (angrily): …That’s ONE strike Allison*, FOUR strikes and you’re out!

Overheard in the Commons
by Coldbeard

Professor: …so Doritos are like the Nazis of health.

Overheard in the Academic IV Building
by dutchboy

Professor: So, murder is illegal. It is an excessive measure. You will go to jail if you murder–
Foreign kid: So… wouldn’t you need a lawyer for that?
Professor: …No–what?? MURDER IS ILLEGAL!
Foreign kid: (Long pause.) …Murder is illegal?

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Academic IV Building
by coldbeard the pirate

Professor, discussing masturbation: You can even, uh, you know … with yourself.

Overheard in Lecture Hall 2
by amused girls

Guy: …and then I woke up naked on the subway.

Overheard in the Commons
by JK

Professor: ¿Cuántos países hay en Norteamérica? (How many countries are there in North America?)
Group of about ten students: Hay dos países en Norteamérica. (There are two countries in North America.)
Professor, concerned: ¿Solamente dos países? (Only two countries?)
Group of students: ¡Sí! (Yes!)
Professor: …¿Cuáles son los países? (Which are the countries?)
Group of students: Los Estados Unidos y Canadá. (The United States and Canada.)
Professor: ¿No más países hay en Norteamérica? (There are no more countries in North America?)
Group of students: No. (No.)
Professor: ¿Hay dos países? (There are two countries?)
Group of students: Sí. (Yes.)
Much smaller group of dissenting students: …No. Hay tres países in Norteamérica. (…No. There are three countries in North America.)
Professor, looking relieved: Sí. ¿Cuáles son los países? (Yes. Which are the countries?)
Dissenting students: Los Estados Unidos, Canadá, y México. (The United States, Canada, and Mexico.)
Professor: ¡Sí! (Yes!)  (Long pause, then professor switches to English.)  So did some of you really not know that there were three countries in North America until today? Mexico is part of North America, you know. I suppose it is not important for this class in particular, but I am glad we had the map.

Overheard in a Spanish class, Sondheim Building
by MFunk

Professor: So what is the meatiest calculator out there?
Student: TI-89!
Professor: So what can the TI-89 do?
Student: Calculus!
Professor: Holy shit! Integral calculus! I didn’t know they could do that these days. Well, I’m gonna clutch my genitals and go hide in the corner!

Overheard in Lecture Hall 8, Information Technology/Engineering Building
by Dan2

Professor: If there is homework that has been copied, the grader will inform me and I will thrash you. Unless you’re bigger than I am.

Overheard in a Math class, Math/Psych Building
by Kee

Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.

Overheard in Chesapeake 1st North
by J

Professor: Here’s how you do the twist… you put one foot out and act as though you are stomping out a cigarette butt with your big toe. At the same time, you move and twist your upper body constantly as if you are trying to dry your back off with a towel. I’m not going to demonstrate it here, because I’ll look like an ass, but I want you all to go home and perhaps try it in private.

Overheard in a Music class, Fine Arts Building
by David